jimi

Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things just don’t seem the same
Actin’ funny, but I don’t know why
‘scuse me while I kiss the

Charles Bukowski

“I will remember the kisses, our lips raw with love,
and how you gave me everything you had
and how I offered you what was left of me.” 

As time goes by...

Prince and the King

Gaga & Kyary

Holidays and the crisis of "the others"

       Getting very, very used to the arrival of holidays and my being completely alone. The real moment passes when the feelings of remorse or sadness or loss (or)...I'm having are so blase, so boring that "feelings" is a lie. I absolutely relish not having to contend with others demands/expectations of warmth- of fellow feeling. 
       Family. We're family? Family just never, ever cut it. It was always pretended closeness- Any ripple in the pretense of harmony would be dealt with by-letting it pass etc. 
Family just never was. I have so few people in my life-even at work. If I looked at me from the outside I just might be concerned. Fuck that. Normality in others- the desire to be a part with commonalities has always irritated me. God how obvious-what is the "having friends to depend on" a paranoid form of disaster insurance? Not a "get out of jail pass" but a "pay the bills while I'm in jail" sort of thing. Probably. I get nostalgic sometimes- cry at the right times watching a movie- miss former lovers etc but the truth of being surrounded again-answerable again frightens me back to my senses.

Images for inadequate thoughts

Virginia Woolf

I can only note that the past is beautiful
because one never realizes an emotion
at the time. It expands later,
and thus we don’t have complete emotions
about the present, only about the past.

Had that dream again. Sensations-tactile,scents. Felt longing and distant-unable to interact and be heard or felt. Much longing. Much sorrow. Much energy of a sort.

And again

Thaddeus A. Violetta III

Pablo Ruiz

From the Egyptian Book of the Dead

"What I hate is ignorance, smallness of imagination, the eye that sees no farther than its own lashes. All things are possible. Who you are is limited only by who you think you are."

Now

The last true time that I ever made art that encompassed my whole being-that lifted me from the moment and gave me a reason for living the next few moments was probably in my early teens-13,14 thereabouts. Since then; Since feeling it all mattered more than anything else- I devoted my entire life to making and sharing those moments. To teach and in great times lift others to feel as I did as a young artist was glorious. Beyond any other joy. Now I see that the attempt was a failure of reality. 
This country cares so little for the up lift, the challenge of art that it chooses instead to give it pandering lip service to seem as if creativity mattered. I contributed to that farce, that pandering hypocrisy willingly. Just to be settled and admired. I cannot continue to do that anymore. The lie of arts education disgusts me now. It physically becomes impossible to pretend it matters. I must and desperately have to take whatever time I have left to return to those precious few moments of art making that captivated me from the beginning. This farce has to stop. Issues of comfort and health and security are irrelevant. I'll get through this somehow. That is my vow that is my prayer. Friday November 8th at 10:15 pm est

            In a survey of attitudes toward artists in the U.S. a vast majority  of Americans, 96%, said they were greatly inspired by various kinds of art  and highly value art in their lives and communities. But the data suggests  a strange paradox.

            While Americans value art, the end product, they do not value what artists do. Only 27% of respondents believe that artists contribute “a lot” to the good of society.

            Further interview data from the study reflects a strong sentiment in the cultural community that society does not value art making as legitimate work worthy of compensation. Many perceive the making of art as a frivolous or recreational pursuit.

            Other insights further illuminate the depth of the paradox:

                • A majority of parents think that teaching the arts is as important as reading, math, science, history, and geography.

                • 95% believe that the arts are important in preparing children for the future.

                • In the face of a changing global economy, economists increasingly emphasize that the United States will have to rely on innovation, ingenuity, creativity, and analysis for its competitive edge—the very skills that can be enhanced by engagement with the arts.